Sempadan Alam - Tok Ayah

Assalamua'laikum tok ayah,

Hai..kami datang melawat tok ayah ni...harap tok ayah gembira keberadaan kami ke rumah abadi tok ayah
sembilan belas tahun berlalu berdetik tanpa henti hingga saat ini..
perasaan di hati sungguh terlalu dekat walau sesungguh mana ingin menggambarkan dengan kata-kata.
sungguh dekat dalam meniti usia hingga ke hari ini

bagai tok ayah hidup dalam hati ini
bagai tok ayah memerhati tanpa jemu
bagai tok ayah tersenyum senang (mungkin gusar)
melihat cucuanda di bumi tuhan ini
merentasi hari-hari mendatang tertunggang terbalik
jatuh bangun tersadung terjelepok
waima tok ayah pada logik minda jasad tak terkelihatan
namun tok ayah tetap ada hidup di dalam hati


bisa jadi kita 'bestfriend' menjalin ukhuwah
seperti cucu dan atuk yang lain
rapat dan akrab bagai isi dan kuku
tawa hilai mengisi ruang tamu rumah
meneroka alam bersama berkongsi suka duka
berusrah melengkap ilmu dunia akhirat
menegur yang mana terlebih kurang

kuasa maha pencipta lagi maha penyayang
mahu tok ayah pulang menghadap semula
kali ini di rumah abadi
tanpa penat menghadap segala kesibukan duniawi
tanpa kita berdua bersua berempat mata di alam dunia langsung
berehat buat selamanya di rumah sana
menanti anak cucu cicit mengirim doa
mengirim untaian pahala tanda kasih tak terhingga
tanda ingatan tak putus
walau jasad telah berpisah daripada roh

tunggu disana ya..kami menyusul :)

Selamat Hari Raya tok ayah dan mok(nenek)

note: Al-fatihah kepada allahyarham tok ayah Mohd Lazim Awang Ngah..

1946-1995(Jun)

Ramadhan--jangan pergi boleh?

bismillah.. moga setiap yang membaca satu persatu kata huruf ini dalam keadaan sihat sejahtera hendaknya.
dalam terpelihara iman bersama niat

ramadhan akhirnya bakal pergi juga
berlalu meninggalkan harapan membisik di hati
moga ketemu tahun depan
dalam perasaan berbaur--- sedih pilu sayu mendominasi
haruskah kau pergi juga
encik ramadhan kareem ?

kerana belum rela ingin lepaskan engkau pergi
kerana belum puas bersama dengan engkau dalam dakapan
kerana banyak malah terlalu ingin diisi bersama kau
kerana sungguh cinta aku akan kau

masih belum puas berasmara memburu rahmat tuhan
masih belum puas menangisi keinsafan pada tuhan
bertemankan engkau ramadhan
mengorak seribu langkah beribadah
tanpa jemu di dada

belum pasti dan tepat apa masih bisa kita bersua lagi
belum pasti
belum

syawal mengintai menampakkan diri
engkau pula bakal melabuhkan tirai
sebak di dada hanya tuhan yang tahu
betapa aku akan merindui engkau

betapa aku cemburu membuak di hati
ramai antara mereka menghadap tuhan yang satu bersama engkau ramadhan
indahnya kembali pada sang pencipta di bulan paling mulia
tiada azab dan masuk pada mana2 pintu jannah
saat indah tak terbayangkan


waima, hidup perlu dikemudi
menongkah arus di bumi sementara
selagi hayat dikandung badan
selagi belum mendapat 'call' daripada tuhan

mahu syahid di bulan barakah
bisik hati memujuk rindu pada tuhan
namun terkesima pabila dosa bergunung
malu teramat untuk bertemu Dia
apa diri layak?

semoga kita berjumpa lagi encik ramadhan

I'll be missing you!

Running Nineteen

assalamua'laikum and hello people!

this year of 2014 is far different compare to last year which i have really too much free time
***grateful**
well.. and more meaningful is i have the opportunity to go through being nineteen-year-old girl in my hometown and have mybfffff (mother) to be by my side..
how realizing it is!

indeed, i have nothing to ask for the presents or gifts
the most important is i have people that i love so much around me
that's it

all of all i am so thankful
seriously..

if need to be mentioned all the deeds for all my living in this world since nineteen years old
that mybffff needs to sacrifice and showers her love, cuddle me, persuading, hugging
damn, so many!

never can be repaid
even with the pile of golds and diamonds

in conjunction of being nineteen.. i want to thank you mother
for giving birth to me..
sobs
(ok..chill)
if compare the things that i have now..
indeed i have nothing in terms of love,education, knowledge, money to support my cost since be born all this while..you always be there for me..
she's my honey sweetheart boom boom no matter what even after we had a 'war' mhehehe

maturity is functioning ---- that's what im trying to say

"what  am i going to achieve? is it enough this amount? (which absolutely a big NO) How about with my deeds? (too little in the eyes of Allah)"

(creepy)

in being nineteen... the last year of 'first' series..
better than late
***sorry for my scatter head**
ok..cool dear self..get yourself be synchronized and well planned..
and please don't feel so sad to be nineteen
it's just a number
lol

in short, let US together reflect back and find some moment being lonely
you know..just ourselves and the god
think..think..and think..

better than late and Allah is never forgetting us...but we sometimes ?

nahh think !

happy nineteen to me

alhamdulillah.

have a nice day y'all!

Cinta tak keterhinggaan ~ MH17 in memory

Bersabar wahai hati
bersabar menyapa ujian ini
tanda kasih dari ilahi
mencekal lagi hati
memuncak pahala buat akhirat nanti
penghapus dosa tak terperi

"la tahzan...jangan bersedih...innalllaha ma'na...Allah sentiasa bersama..."

kuat semangat
tabah cekal wahai diri
teruskan melangkah di hari muka
kebalkan tekad di hati

hanya tuhan sahaja yang tahu
betapa jujurnya cinta kita
walaupun berbeza diri kita
cinta ini milik kita

tinggallah segala kenangan mengabdi di bumi ini
berlinangan air mata
takkan pernah kembali
masih dekat hati

kini tuhan sayangkan diri kau
pergilah
bersemadilah
tenanglah di alam sana
diri rela berteman pasrah

tangisan bersendu beriringan kalamullah
menemani engkau disana
tenanglah disana
kerana tuhan pernah berkata

"setiap yang bernyawa pasti merasai mati"

siapalah aku hambaNya untuk menentang kehendakNya...
menyejuk jauh di lubuk qalbu

moga engkau dikalangan mereka yang beriman dan beramal soleh
diantara yang terlepas azab seksaNya
sempena bulan sungguh mulia

dan...tunggu aku disana ya
kita akan bersua kembali

jaga diri di rumah abadi sana.

wassalam.

note: takziah buat ahli keluarga penumpang & anak kapal MH17.. terima dengan lapang dada...gagahkan semangat untuk teruskan kehidupan yang masih bersisa di bumi sementara...

Anger and Ego --- please be TAME!

we human are full of emotions right?



**ehem***



if that humble uncle was my father

i perhaps might strongly defending him

it's such like the woman was taking advantage over the humble uncle

with the full of anger and dissatisfaction

in the hot and hustle and bustle city 

what i saw..nothing serious happened to that NEW PEUGEOT

but obviously the old man's car

like seriously



the car nevertheless was not catch my attention at all

it's the attitude of old retired man do catch my eyes!

subhanallah...

how really humble and kind- hearted people he was

although he is a Chinese man

no exaggerate intended

let the video speaks itself



whilst that woman with anger and 'bengang'

hope she can TAME her anger and ego even wisely after this

personally, i am literally 'terkena tempiasnya'

due to that her action which i suppose she did not mean of it

just maybe the lady was so sensitive and has problems

(trying to put me in her shoe)



the person that typing this is also undergo and still having control of her emotion



in the Quran itself has told that syaitans were tied during this holy month

so when WE keeps doing the bad and cruel things....

who's the REAL of syaitan is?



muhasabah dear self



(sincere smile)



take care.

Rindu--- betul!

Rindu pada bumi Kota Bharu
rindu yang obses
rindu pada penduduknya

***tarik nafas**

entah bila masa yang tepat dapat bersua semula
mengerat menjalin tautan kasih
hanya doa dikirim bersama angin rindu

tak dikira rindu pada bumi pulau mutiara
Pulau Pinang indah di utara
betapa tuhan saja tahu rindu di dada
ada rezeki jumpalah kita

***ahhh that kind of belonging and too much of missing***

tuhan..bawa kami bersua berempat mata
mengukuh tali silaturahim
biar langsung tiada pertalian darah
mengimarah jalinan terbina lama tak terkira

terlalu indah

alhamdulillah Allah.

note: there's sometimes we feel so missing damn so much like crazy of whoever (especially those who are very dear to us)...the realization occurs somehow when that kind of feeling we tell and ask from the Almighty Allah s.w.t

adioss!

Just July

Salamu'alaikum ya July!

i just wanna say that..
ermmm..nothing but i love you!
hihihi

***silly**

seriously i madly in love with you
you know?
so long i've been kept silently deep in this heart
you know?
you must wondering what is all about that made me loved you
right?

kind of belonging of you
ohh my July!

i'm begging you to be kind and please to me
and make my day for this time
ok?

just july in a modesty.

note: 23rd July i am nervous to meet you this time....

Lucky--- oh really?

i have no sisters neither brothers
seriously
true---- the only one child

how lucky you are !
oh really?


**errr not really actually**

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
but why?


ZzzZzZzzZZZzzzzzzzZZzzzzzZZZZZZZZzzZ





"hey big sister! i miss you...it's been ages not see you lol"
"don't be silly..i just went home last week stupid"
"mom! look she called me stupid!"
"you both settle yourselves..aah but please..no massive aggressive fighting okay" --- sigh***
"nanananananananana"
"hey you bitch!"
"what!?and you f**k! haha"

see? the chemistry,biology,physics also blend together as a mixture
lovely right?
bak kata orang Tanah Melayu gaduh-gaduh sayang adik beradik

and now tell me how can i having such kind of moment ?
it is not the same when being with some people not related
not growing up along us

got it?

**sigh**

all of all--- who am i to cross the line and upset of what had Allah has created for me?

well.. there's must be a reason

good reason.

for example? ---- He sends me his servants... good and kind-hearted all around me insyaAllah
in conscious or subconscious definitely

subhanallah alhamdulillah allahu akhbar

I know you always be there

salam alaik dear readers,

again,that kind of feeling appears back

damn i hate it

the down that sheds my tears 

breaks my heart deep inside

be embrace dear self

be embrace

this is life

has ups and downs 

no matter what 

less or more

just a life ---- which is temporary eventually

"i want to test this little servant whether she could stand with it and bring back to me..indeed i miss and longing of her doa "

oh Allah..how so kind of you 

how so sweet and lovely of you 

subhanallah

thanks.

Cooking---- First time ever without the help of mybfff

Assalamua'laikum and hello peeps! apa habaq?

semoga kalian dalam redha dan barakah Allah s.w.t hendaknya

***dancing lenggok lentok liuk sambil nyanyi let it go...let it go...ooohhhh***

zzZZzzZZzzzZz

lately i felt so not into this virtual thingy just because the hell of my broadband

herhh soooo bloody nyek nyek (extremely slow)

mengalahkan si kura2! ---- bayar tujuh puluh hinggit kot

**okay...relax....chill**

(perempuan dan bebel memang dah bestfriend since forever)

so chill and cool dear readers

look...there are somethings rare i wanna share over here mhehehe lol

something extraordinary ---- yeah i really mean it!

psssttt--- ni kalau mak pak mertua...usahkan mertua...mak pak sendiri pun dah tak nampak laluuu ni!

haaa... curious??

betul ni?

tadaaaaa!!!

hemmm karipap! yeee betul pandaiii

alah senang nak mampuih buat---lol hanya individu yang punya adrenaline dan metobalisme terlajak tinggi yang ingin membuatnya.

look...i am not praising my self ---don't get me wrong please haha

what i meant was a woman may knows very well how to cook this and that 

just name it what ever the dish 

spaghetti? macaroni? laksa ? nasi dagang? nasi ayam?

but due to NO TIME to cook..they prefer to buy itself 

easy!

damn---aku dengar orang jual kuih mana ada sehinggit dua for 3 or 4
malah mati untuk dapatkan 5 seringgit
**fening**
mahal kan?
gila kan?
so..siapa yang ada masa esp budak lepas matrik maciam i ni... haha very good to make a head start :)

nevertheless---- apa aku rasa bila buat dengan tulang empat kerat aku?

P.U.A.S hahahahaha

**gelak kembang kempis hidung***

dan bukan manusia dalam rumah aku je yang boleh rasa..jiran kanan kiri boleh rasa...

well worth!

ohhh kinda feeling good

inti karipap tuu aku buat siap2 malam semalam

this technique was called---- time efficiency mhehehe

potong siap2 mr.potato bentuk dadu comel2 gituuu 

nak mengimarahkan lagi bau..masukkan bawang kecil besar ptong nipis

(aku guna bawang besar sebab bawang kecil merah dah habis)

then..tumis bawang atas kuali setelah minyak dah panas

apa lagi---- masukkan mr.potato yang dipotong dadu dalam kuali

masukkan serbuk kari babas + air 

taruk garam + gula = sedap

oh yee! sebelum tu...siang2 lagi aku perap isi ayam potong halussss2 

lada hitam+kunyit+garam dan goreng dengan girangnya!

***sambil mulut ngap2 rasa ayam tuu**

back to frying the potatoes!

masukkan sekali ayam tadi dalam tuu---gaul sebati

tambah air 

biar sampai kering 

sampai kering okay! (tak mau lembap2 tauu) 

okay done with the inti..

now time for KULIT KARIPAP! 

*** terujaaaa***

aku punya style--- buat ikut perasaan hahahahahaha XD

tepung gandum+air bancuh dengan garam (secukup rasa & perasaan)+ margerin cairkan atas kuali

gaul...gaul...sepenuh perasaan cinta gituuu hahaha

dah sampai doh tu tak melekat....sesi untuk meng-kelimmmm !

keliaaaaaaa gituuuu mhehehe

okay...dan kerana aku buat mengikut perasaan kan...ahhaha! rasa pun perghhhh tak tertahan gelak nak terabur usus ni... kulit karipap tu need to improvised 

bapakkk teballllll! HAHAHAHAHA!

but---- inti thumbs up!

keripap punya kisah tutup

*********************************************************************************

ituuu berminggu lepas punya ceritera

dannn hari ni?

haaa.... lagi power!

semangat membara menjiwai diri kauuu wiwiwiwiwi

senang sangat dan sekejap nak mengaul guli bagai

persoalannya--- yes or no

that's it.

and i am really happy to share and extend this kind of cooking 

i mean my first try and error with cooking 

bereksperimen di dapur (btw mybffffffff was at work so... no arguing! haha)

on top of that,this moist choc cake ...........

kak maya (well most of all i made it for her belated birthday 1stJuly hari tu..tu eksaited terlajak)

aunt nor & family..the cool right next door neighbor  

makcik nor & family...the left next door neighbor 

kak pijah

dapat merasanya wiwiwiwiwi
***menari balet background music let it go...let it goooo**

ahhh that kind of feeling---- puas !

mencuba dan meluaskan rangkaian kasih wiwiwiwiwi <3

trying yet spread the love!

bffff... i bet you must be proud of your scatterhead daughter (broad smile)

biasanya kan...aku just join mencelah tolong tengok daripada 'put effort from A-Z' buat sampai habis
sebab?

sebab--- aku 'rely' or bergantung pada mybfff (my mother) semata2 to do all that kind of things
like seriously!

aku dah matang---- ye itu perkataan yang tepat.

and now..time for me to explore and learn to stand with my both feet..be independence
not hoping and relying on other people
yes.. time is leading me to that
i can see it
alhamdulillah.



and when mybfffff  (mother) was home....she was so amazed to know that i made it

hahhahaha! yeahhh i made it!!!

***yeayy dah boleh berumah dan bertangga***

eheh!!!

ok...till here for now.. thanks for visiting and reading my rambling  :)

knock knock---- jangan baca ok!

knock knok

ye siapa tu?

aku...

***blurr sambil pergi ke hadapan pintu***

ye? cari siapa?

masamu sudah tiba..aku datang untuk memenuhi tuntutan tugasku..yang diamanah dari tuhanku dan tuhanmu

hah? apa maksud kamu?? saya langsung tak kenal kamu! siapa kamu sebenarnya ni?

***peluh membasahi seluruh tubuh**

gulp.

***aku telan liur dengan susah payah***












arghhhhh!!!! ------ adik! kenapa ni? shhhhh adik mimpi je tuu shhhhhh kakak ada kakak ada ye...istighfar

adik mimpi!!!

***air mata deras mengalir teresak-esak***

dahhh2 mimpi je pun tuu.. mainan tidur kan dah tidur2 baru pukul 3.30pagi nanti sahur kakak kejut ye sayang...





note: mati itu pasti...bila? itu semua dalam pengetahuan Dia saja...just BE READY okay :)
dan yang masih bernyawa di bumi penuh sementara ini...panjatkan Al-fatihah buat yang selangkah dulu dari kita.