Friday, 19 May 2017

That hanging of explanation

It's been more than two weeks from that misunderstanding and there are the hanging of unclear and some explanation in the air I indeed personally to clarify with this guy called Yousef Hekma.Yes till now we haven't meet up properly though many times postponed. It's just him the one who is the most busiest person in the whole wide world. It's him.

*loud scream*

If you want to talk, come to Kangar I'll be there untill 11pm. Bye

*block me from whatsapp again*

Just back from Kangar next time BYE.

When are you free?

Pick and choose the date, place and time I will confirm

Fri-morning/evening
Sat-morning/evening
Sun-evening 
At lake

Friday morning, if i wake up early.

Time?

Lets make it in evening after I done with Unimap fm. 4.00pm at library
#5pm
My bike broke down I might be late

*Ive ready and went to library to meet up just fu*ck*

How long late

*on the way to library met Sophia(Lovely and sweet and sour oh thats the mangoes haha sorry!)
We agreed to walk then once I wait at the library and she went up to change her clothes.

Wait wait and wait patiently and suddenly there was whatsapp voicenote from this big messy 'panda'  saying that

*nothing! I mean he recorded nothing man nadaa!*

Not hear anything, im here at library now btw.

*another voicenote came in*

Im otw to Kangar (or Arau something like that coz there was so much noise at the background) to buy some stuff for program and im not sure when im gonna free

Faqqqqq just faqqqq

Doesn't he did it on purpose? Or really is true of the fact? Whatever.

So, the adventure of me and Sophia for plucking those awesome and scrumptious young mangoes! God bless this place name of Pauh.
We were so thrilled and excited to have a full plastic bag of mangoes oh it just finger licking good!

*ditch Yousef aside like kick him like football*

Free now?

Im not free this weekend maybe later.

I saw you walking alone to pf2 

*wow just wow hah!*

Free now?

I just woke up 

*He is dumb isnt he?*

Free now?
Busy im in Kangar enjoy with Ganga

*Ganga is his quite cool housemate from India*

Free  9pm
Never mind
Will see you on usual day

*cant get what is usual day mean by him? Week day? Walk like before?*

Sososo
Why every entry recently is all about him? Because Ok

First, he used to said that one day " I will fight with you " while he's unwrapping his corneto ice cream which that was during our early of friendship (see how bad is your mouth we have fighting over and over again)
Secondly, I swear he would never get a better sleep every night until he befriend with me like we used to before and after hear my explanation.
Third, i want to prove that you are the most ever fucking sucking kind one who easily give up on me your friend (idk the rest of ur friend). And i dont simply wanna you do wanna hear me talking or explain for the sake of my mom. I.dont.want. Ok. Let alone you yourself are sincere to open your ears for it.
Forth, should i say that i miss you my brother?

You are just a brother a brother a brother
Coz God knows you are way not good enough for me for beyond that friendship.
Clear?

*But god knows what deep inside me that*

Still you are just my brother from another mother hahaha

But dont dare the power Of Him Al-Kabir (The Most Almighty) you might take back your word. Cause every words is a doa.

It might be twisted.

Night
Over the moon
Precious ummm yummeh
Eeew look at his teeth! Yucks.


Monday, 8 May 2017

A Row With Yousef (again)

It was Multicultural Night and the event organized by international students mostly. It’s been few days since the row. I saw you Yousef from far when walking with my gorgeous gandma (Alaa). You looked so smart and if I can say handsome with that black blazer and green shirt. It can be felt the sense of your charisma and charms even from distant. It is your DNA.

I knew you must be there for the event cause you are Yousef, must be participating in such organizing program and events. The one who always says yes to this kind of things.
So I was truly enjoying the performances while seating at the most in front of the stage. At interval, I turned my head right and left just to at look you but when I walked just in front or near you to get the food, I just pretended to not look at you and pretended to acknowledge your absence yet still felt I don’t know. Empty, angry, none of these maybe.

Alaa said that I was looking shocked like seeing a ghost before we both entered in the hall. My grandma just can’t stop laughing at me saying that I’m clearly have fallen in love with someone. Oh please don’t be so ‘perasan’ (silly) dear Yousef if happened you read this. I actually wondering if you saw me or not during the night but my guts said you saw me and you really don’t care with it. Cause.I.Am.Not.Your.Friend.Anymore.

**Feels like jumping from a cliff**

Once the event ended, I and Alaa sit at the ground floor for the wife wi-fi.
And suddenly you showed up out of nowhere at the cafĂ©! Clothes has changed no more blazer on the body. You gave salam to Alaa and I just like *bone stuck* and turned my back to you. Feeling ‘bittersweet’ and have no desire to see you. In the meantime, you sit near us and I can clearly your voice talking with your girlfriendsssssss. Heard about the technical issues you guys faced just during the event.

**whatever**

I just don’t know, why I end up write on here cause I have no one to hear me rambling and babbling rather than here in my territory. Even Ganga seems like fade up listening to me rambling about you.

**tissue please**

When this happened, I straight away remember of you asking me a favor to represent you as MPKK to the Majlis Gemilang Siswa award ceremony on that Friday and I did it from the bottom of my heart, and you did what? Not even a single ‘thanks’ been wished for me.

**Tissue more please**

I do also spontaneous remember of the moment you are really down with your fuck problem (you know this well) and I tried the best to calm you down, feel that I always be there to support you whenever you are in easy and hard times.  I don’t know If you still keep my lengthy messages on instagram or whatsapp full of courage words and I didn’t give up. I keep on sending it no matter what is it by having you blocking me.

**Seriously you such a sucks at blocking me when we are having conflict, you too have to be GROW UP boy.**

Remember the promises?

“I promise. We will be friend till death do us apart.”
“I will be you brother when you need me..remember that.”
Do you remember?

**Unless you dumb head has loss the memory cause being too arrogant**

Honestly, I love you. As my big brother. Period. That’s it no matter you didn’t trust this statement. When thinking about who you are to me, day by day it becomes clearer and I can see the big picture that you even are nothing to me. You are just a stranger and be friend that just part of the chapter in my life that might come and go. It is just I am so adore with you in terms of your charming, the way you talk, charisma and things like that. You are so right that I am searching the POSITIVITY out there. I just too tired of feeling losing and down and miserable with myself literally thus I always try the best to twist it into positive and be the optimistic one.

My support and your support is totally different can’t you see? I don’t simply block you when we are having row. I don’t give up sending you the motivation and good words to you though you blocked me instead I find another way to reach you so that you will read those words at the end. But when I’m feeling down? What did you do? Just very short words and simply and easily get give up.

I am not that desperate one who would act like a bitch if that’s you are thinking man. I respected you in general, proud to see you mingle with local and the witty and kindness in you makes people love and perhaps misunderstanding about those such friend relationship.

You are the one who should be blamed you know. Your stiff heart, your ego everything.
It is you.
Now, I’ve ruined or we both ruined the friendship.

Now, to Allah I turn and rely to asked for this to be fixed again


A Row With Yousef (again)

Do you know who to refer if something urgent happened?
Tak faham
Clinic is closed, who can be contacted to get help?
Dr.Hlaing contact’s number
____
Hey, I just reached can you call back?
Call me pls
What is wrong?
Call again
Do you anyone who can rent motor bike?
No
I know this one guy he rents superbike 80 per day
Nonono not superbike just normal motorbike
May I know why you wanna rent motor?
I want go on ride just around here with Jannah
Let me see if I can rent mine. Is there your friend have motorbike?
___
What is wrong? Your mum worried about you why didn’t answer her call.
Had called her
Mun pls call me
Yousef
I have event now
I’m worried about you
***Pretty liar***

Why called just one ring
Talk to me
Pls
Ifell
Seriously why didn’t you tell me, when and how
R u ok now
IDK
Bleeding…scratches..ifneedwillgotoclinic
For god sake talk
***Whatsapp call***
Sorry I was asleep last night

**Whatsapp Voicenote **
Moon, listen up. I have this enough, you made me so stressed up with all this thing. You made me worried and wondering about you.Come on, when I asked to talk you didn’t talk. At first, you asked for clinic’s number then rent for motorbike and you made me startled with suddenly just one ring when I was sleeping. Then, why did you posted on story that “ooh I miss me and Ganga…” If you miss me, tell I can come meet you now, be grow up. Please, if not just go away okay.Go.Away.
__
Hey, can you help me I have no one to ask for help but you. Can you find me some limes like this( picture showed) please I don’t have any more chance to postpone my study after this please.
Happened what
Listen up
Goodbye my friend.
***F*ckyousef***
I will tell you but not through here please
__

**Calling Ganga**
Ganga hello?
Hello? Call on my Whatsapp now.
Ganga?
I’m Yousef not Ganga
Where’s Ganga?
**Face palm**

**Whatsapp call ringing nonstop from Yousef, heart thumping crazily, hands & feet freezing like hell**
Pls
Call me now
Clear
Either we meet at restaurant or Bumita now. I give you two choice before 2am.
I’m going to take shower and go eat outside after cleaning the house.
Wait.

**Whatsapp voicenote**
Please…not now huh it’s almost 2am NOOO. I hahh.. I don’t know how to tell you what it feels like it’s like..it’s like…okay..remember you did tell me about when you feeling that ‘sick’ you know what I mean? So I’m kinda feel like it but in different way not like that please understand me.

**Whatsapp voicenote**
Listen, when that thing happened I go out okay? I go out. I’m not like someone who yell or slap or shout at your face no I’m not that type. I just don’t trust your words, so I ask to let’s face to each other so I can see with my own eyes your body language are you speaking the truth or not. I believe this is not yourself or this is the real you but I knew you are not that act like this. Don’t act like bitch or people call it slut okay.

I’m not going to sleep with you, I don’t love you, you are NOTHING to me so yeah if it’s not because your mom’s kindness I don’t do this.So I want you to meet and hear your explanation. I love this friendship more than anything I would never give up on my friends if you really wanna know. I don’t care, if you are worried about security, there is guard down in Bumita and again I’m not going to slap or shout at you. No.

**2AM**
It’s already 2am and I have failed to save this friendship. Never mind it’s okay I need to be strong.
Goodbye my friend
I will blocking you everywhere.
*DANG*

**Facebook Messenger**
Sorry ibu..me and Munirah we are not friend again

What happened dear? Is that she has problem in explaining what is she herself feels until you feel messed up?

Indeed.

People if sick there is evidence based from the hospital showing the illness but she’s different there was not like that. It’s indeed really hard to make people understand about this. So please I hope you can give her some time to explain, for the moment let time heals okay? Hope you could understand Yousef.

**Facebook Messenger**
I have gave her lot of time and chances to explain but she didn’t do explain. If there is who would understand the most of your daughter it would be me ibu..I guess she has her own life and I don’t want to involve with her life in anyhow.


Herhh he thinks he is so great? So cool? The F*$k he is! How come asked to meet at 2am in the morning ok in the morning with my hands and feet were freezing and shivering like hell.
Such a non tolerate man at all! Such a liar fatty pig who says "oh I won't easily give up on my friends, never" nanananana!

He is so dumbasssobastardandarrogantandeverything.





This is for what he has done to me for breaking my heart and made me pissed off with him for not so tolerate until hear my explanation not at 2AM in the morning see how soooo 'drop dead gorgeous' this man and sorry Ganga you are affected and stuck in the middle and I also enjoy to doodle your new hair hahahaahaha! 

Night.